I feel like I’ve cried so much today. For the most part, it was happy tears. I watched Charles & Alli’s wedding videos (their CTFxC vlog and the wedding montage). All the happy tears.
And then when I was cleaning up my plate after dinner, my Grandpa said in a serious tone, “Liz, I need to tell you a story when you have a minute.” Because of the tone, I knew that I needed to sit back down. So I did.
He told me about how he has always been close with God and that God had saved him from many situations he shouldn’t have survived. He was in WWII and Korea as a pilot, so you can imagine the risk.
He told me about how when my grandma went into an assisted living home that she didn’t want to end up like the helpless elderly, the ones who need help dressing, get pushed around in a wheel chair, etc. She was a strong minded lady, and whatever she set her mind to, that’s what happened. Grandpa said they prayed that if the end was near, that it would come quick. Grandma was only in the nursing home from July 4th until about January 10ish? before she collapsed. They both have Do Not Resuscitate on their medical records, so when she fell down or whatever, I don’t think the assisted living workers were allowed to do anything, so they told him to go see her at the hospital.
I was a face full of tears by then. Sure, I’ve gotten over my grandma passing, but it still tends to make me a bit blue when I think/hear about the situation.
Anyway, Grandpa told me that if he ever collapses for whatever reason, that we shouldn’t resuscitate him either. You can imagine that by now, I’m bawling. Like, I can’t handle talking about death, much less of someone who lives in my house. And because I’m CPR certified. *insert unenthused yay here* He talked about how if he stopped taking his meds, that it would take about six weeks before he would start having a stroke, heart attack, and all those other things that happen to men who are 87. He has congestive heart failure (same thing as Elizabeth Taylor died from). Pretty much, he’s the smartest man I know, strongest emotionally, but unfortunately has all of the old people things.
It’s inevitable, death, but I just suck at dealing with it. I get over the blue state in a few days.
I know God’s been preparing me for this stuff, hinting that it’s coming, but I can’t help but get sad, y’know? I am a very emotional person. When someone I love is in some sort of mortal peril, if you will, I get like this. I understand what comes after this, that he’ll be reunited with his wife in heaven and all of that.
The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 1 Chorinthians 15:26 (NIV)